Maybe try this:
If you don’t want to read all that and really understand, here’s what my Asperger Syndrome/Autism Spectrum Disorder REALLY means to me:
NOTHING AT ALL
I’m me—I’ve always been me, and although I’ve spent my life frantically trying to pretend like I’m comfortable in my skin, taking on the label of “Aspie” just gives me insight into my struggles.
This new knowledge does help me cope, but it also becomes overwhelming at times…
I wasn’t diagnosed until age 46, in early 2016.
In the following year and a half, I’ve been learning, understanding, and coming to grips with what I’ve always known:
I don’t like this place. I don’t like trying to fit in. I don’t like pretending to be somebody I’m not.
Yet I have spent my entire life agonizing over HOW to not just get by, but actually look like I’m comfortable around other people. (I’m not.)
Am I honest in all my dealings?
I’m beginning to be. I never have been. Life is a lie when I try to pretend that I’m comfortable. Life is a lie when I pretend I’m happy to serve in certain church callings. Life is a lie when I have to talk to someone and smile and pretend I like it.
Today is different, however. I’m starting to accept my limitations and have quit (except for the occasional relapse into self-beration) pretending to like the things I don’t. I’m attempting to quit feeling guilty for not wanting to be part of groups of people (parties, events, lunch meetings, etc.) I’m attempting to avoid the negative self-image that comes from being afraid to engage other people in conversation.
I’m also accepting that others don’t understand what I’m dealing with, and I’m finding that those that DO understand often feel as isolated and fearful as I do.
I’m hoping that I can share the challenges I’ve faced for over 45 years—NOT EVEN UNDERSTANDING what was happening to me. I’m hoping my experiences and insights into my “disorder” will perhaps be of comfort to others who struggle similarly. I’m hoping my struggles to understand myself will gradually fade. I’m hoping to ACTUALLY learn to love myself—it’s long overdue.
I am worthy. I am talented. I’ve got some freaky talents that feel like superpowers. But I have my kryptonite too—I’m scared.